Strategies for networking: Let’s examine our reciprocity style.

Reading time: 4 min

by Alberto Aleo

In the introductory lesson of our web marketing courses, we often quote a line by Kevin Kelly, the visionary founder of Wired magazine, who in the late 90s predicted that the internet would become the defining symbol of our age. Kelly seemed to suggest that the internet would simply cause social trends to amplify, and that to understand the former we would need to closely examine the latter.

Now that this prediction has come true, it’s worth asking ourselves how well we really understand the dynamics underlying the establishment of social networks. What factors actually build relationships and expand our network?

So, before we go out on a limb and pay for a Google ad campaign or ask our Facebook contacts to “like” our page, let’s take a moment to reflect on the mechanisms of social cohesion and on what allows a network to grow and sustain itself.

Networking strategies: reciprocity

According to the research of Adam Grant, a professor at Wharton University, one of the key elements to consider when building networks is reciprocity. By studying social networks, Grant discovered that the creator of one of the most successful online social networks is Adam Rifkin, an entrepreneur specialised in IT. Rifkin has a remarkably large network of contacts, including the founders of Facebook and LinkedIn, as well as some of the biggest names in global economy and finance.

Despite being a relatively unknown technology expert, how has Rifkin managed to directly connect with all these well-known names?

Grant found that the secret lay in his reciprocity style: Rifkin is, in fact, what Grant defines as a pure giver, i.e., someone who is able to give to others without necessarily expecting anything in return.

Over the years, he has helped and connected hundreds of people in a completely selfless way. This behavior allowed him to include an ever-growing number of people in his network, some of whom later became very successful, often thanks to Rifkin’s help.

The mechanism of reciprocity

Let’s take a closer look at how the mechanism of reciprocity works, so we can draw some useful insights for a more effective “social” strategy.

Professor Grant identifies three types of reciprocal behavior, which correspond to three different “characters”: takers, matchers, and givers.

• Takers, as the name suggests, tend to take more than they give.
They see relationships from a utilitarian point of view, prioritise their own interests and don’t feel any obligation to reciprocate after receiving something from someone. Basically, they are pure opportunists.
• Matchers, on the other hand, are aware of the rules of reciprocity.
They know that before taking, it’s often necessary to give, and that failing to reciprocate is unfair. Their actions, however, are not entirely selfless: they are willing to make the first move only when they know the other party will be able to reciprocate. They are strategists of reciprocity, and their apparent generosity is in fact aimed at a specific outcome.
• The third type is that of the givers, to which Rifkin belongs.
These people give to others without worrying about getting something back in immediate or utilitarian terms. Their goal is social: they want to help increase the value and well-being of the system they are part of, confident that they will eventually benefit from it. Their “generosity” is also rewarded by the personal satisfaction they feel in helping others.


Grant has discovered (and proven) that in the medium to long term, the cumulative advantage gained by givers is greater than that of the other two types, but he has also shown that they are able to build ever-expanding social networks, characterized by strong, empowering internal relationships. Imagine the value of a network like that!

Unlike takers, whose behaviors erode social networks (as people tend to distance themselves once they realize they’ve been “used”), or matchers, who are forced to limit the size of their network to only include those contacts capable of reciprocating, givers weave broad networks without expecting immediate returns.

Moreover, givers are able to activate new, “latent” givers, encouraging them, through their exemplary altruism, to do the same with even more people, resulting in a further increase in connections.


Therefore, when we think about our online strategies, we should also evaluate our network behaviors, apply the principles of reciprocity correctly and clearly define our objectives. Are we behaving like takers, matchers, or givers? A great deal of our success will depend on the answer to that question.

PS: For those wondering, “What’s the point of having such a vast network of important contacts if Rifkin remains relatively unknown?”, it’s worth knowing that the Californian entrepreneur is currently considered one of the most influential people in the U.S. economy, and that the many companies in which he holds a stake have made him very, very wealthy.

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