Listening to and interpreting body language to understand yourself and others.

Reading time: 7 min

By Alice Alessandri and Alberto Aleo
Discover how to interpret body language to improve communication, read emotions and develop empathy.

Our bodies, and the intelligence they hold, represent the most ancient part of our being. We are so used to using other forms of intelligence, and above all logical reasoning, that we’ve lost our ability to listen to our own bodies and those of others. And yet, the body communicates directly and honestly by offering signals that, if interpreted correctly, can reveal someone’s emotional state, the level of empathy we’ve established, and whether the communicative exchange is being carried out appropriately or not.

It’s easy to see why being able to listen to and interpret body language is so important in the workplace. Entire fields, some with a stronger scientific basis than others, have explored this seemingly intricate subject. The good news is that as body intelligence is so ancient, it belongs to all of us, so it just needs to be reawakened to be used more effectively. In this article, we’ll share some practical tips that anyone can make use of in order to first listen to and understand themselves, and then others.

The channels through which the body communicates.

Our bodies communicate in many ways:

• Gestures, including involuntary micro-movements. These give direct feedback on emotional states and help signal and manage comfort or discomfort. For example, if someone keeps scratching their head while talking to you, ask yourself: Does this gesture confirm or contradict what they are saying? What kind of emotion does it convey?
• Posture and the way it changes: sitting, standing, lying down, with stiff or relaxed muscles, with crossed or stretched-out arms and legs. All these postures are extremely different, and each has a discrete meaning. In this case, the key question is: What is a body in this particular position trying to tell me?
• The distance from the person you are speaking with and the use of space. These are closely related to posture but provide additional information. Science tells us about the concept of proxemics, i.e., the personal space we prefer others to respect. Observe where people position themselves in relation to you: Are they close or far? Near an exit or cornered? Near a source of light or in the shadows? Do they protect themselves behind a barrier or face the conversation head-on?
• Clothing, including choice of colors and accessories, which are rarely random and are there to express something. It’s vital to not let personal taste or biases cloud your observation, so maintain a curious approach towards others’ choices. It’s helpful to read up on color choices, but more importantly, try to establish in what way they are related to the context.
• Facial expressions, including eye movements. They are among the most complex signals to detect and interpret, unless they’re so clear that they leave no room for doubt. The intensity of expressions is already a signal in itself. Facial expressions and the steadiness of a gaze can reveal a lot about a person’s self-confidence and trust how at ease they are with others.
• Breathing, which is closely linked to heart rate and directly affecting the pitch of your voice, and is a powerful indicator of how someone feels. We decided to include this on the list because breathing regulates many bodily processes. Shouting, panting, speaking rapidly, or, on the other hand, whispering and hesitating all hint at the presence of adrenaline or serotonin in the body.

Whatever level of complexity you’re able to perceive in others’ signals, keep three key factors in mind: their consistency with other communicative elements and with the overall context, the pace at which these signals are produced and how they vary, and the immediate (instinctive) effects these signals have on you.

Reading body language: consistency, pace, and how they affect you.

Consistency

If one is familiar with Albert Mehrabian, they know that consistency between verbal language (words), para-verbal (tone and voice), and non-verbal (body) communication is essential for delivering a message effectively. When this consistency is missing, especially in the early stages of a relationship, science shows that we tend to trust body language the most to judge the nature of the exchange and the other person’s real intentions. For example, if I meet someone new and they clench their jaw while giving me a bone-crushing handshake and saying “pleased to meet you,” I’m likely to question just how genuine that “pleasure” really is. So, the first step in interpretation is to check for consistency between verbal and non-verbal communication. Then we must also assess whether the signals we’re receiving are appropriate to the context.

If you’re the one communicating, bear this in mind:

• Your body language will be one of the first things others notice.
• Consistency with your other communicative means and with the context helps enhance your message and prevents confusion.

We should also bust the myth that “clothes don’t make the man.” While that may be true in the long run, wearing something completely out of place can, in the short term, hinder a relationship as it could bias others against you.

Pace

Another key aspect is pace; or more precisely, the way the pace changes depending on the conveyed messages. Imagine speaking to someone sitting with crossed arms and legs. Suddenly, during the conversation, they relax, unwind, and lean in while smiling. You might not immediately understand what caused this shift, but you’ll surely notice that something happened to our interlocutor. That observation alone will enhance your ability to listen to and read body language. Changes in pace reflect internal shifts that, in time, become clearer to an attentive observer.

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Always remember that your own body is like a compass which can guide you in reading others’ signals. Paying attention to various feelings, even physical, which these prompts may convey, and noticing how your own body reacts will set you on the right path.

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The benefits of listening to and interpreting the body.

There are many good reasons to learn to read body language, such as improving your communication skills, understanding whether someone is honest or not, and boosting your charisma. But we’d like to focus on a more simple and human reason: well-being, which stems from the quality of our relationships.

Ever since the birth of quantum physics, we now understand that the world is made of energy vibrations. Our bodies are precious instruments that can both perceive and emit these vibrations, creating harmony or dissonance.

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Empathy is precisely the process of “tuning in” to another person’s vibration, which allows us to have healthy relationships.

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How to use body language to create empathy and harmony

Like a musician in an orchestra, we must listen to the notes others are playing and find the right tuning to blend in and create harmony within the conversation, without losing our true nature, but being aware that we need to keep up with the pace, coherently, to create something pleasant together. And if it’s the other person who needs to bridge the gap, we can help them do so, again through the power of body language.

Compared to other forms of communication, body language is not only the most effective and honest, but also the one best equipped to gently guide others.

Imagine being in front of someone rigid and emotionally closed off. Telling them to “relax” won’t help, if anything, it might have the opposite effect. Instead, we can acknowledge their blocked posture, stiff gestures, and stern expressions, and then gradually calibrate ourselves to them, signaling we’ve received and accepted their emotional state, before slowly lowering the tension. How? By using our body and matching their gestures with a similar but softer pace, and gradually relaxing one limb at a time until they feel inclined to follow.

The most powerful qualities that help you do this are self-awareness and attentiveness toward others, which are qualities that lead to nonjudgmental observation and the ability to choose the most appropriate response.

Summer, the perfect time to rediscover body language

Summer is the season when our bodies are in the spotlight. They’re free of layers of clothing, basking in the sun and the wind. We somehow reconnect with them by having a more direct relationship with them. It’s the perfect time to tune into body language, both your own and others’. With that, we wish you an August full of emotions and positive experiences. Follow us on social media as we spend our Scandinavian summer between work, conferences, and nature, looking forward to seeing you again in September.

| partem claram semper aspice |