We all make excuses. How do you manage them?

by Luca Giorgetti

«Sorry I’m late, but the traffic was a nightmare».
«Sorry I couldn’t reply, but I was so busy».
«No, I’m sorry, I can’t come to the meeting. I have too much to do. ».
«I don’t have the time», «I can’t», «I really can’t»
…shall I carry on or have you all understood what I’m talking about?

We’re talking about finding excuses, those tiny justifications that we tell ourselves and others to get out of a tight spot. At times they are crude, while others are more sophisticated, but one thing’s for sure: no one likes hearing them, and we always have one on hand in our toolbox, whether we like it or not.
So, what’s the right attitude to have towards excuses? Let’s explore the topic together.

Photo by marianne bos on Unsplash

Coming up with excuses. A new widespread habit.

Before writing this article which, and I really want to stress this, is mainly a report of personal experiences in the Passodue team, I did some research online on the topic of excuses. It was fascinating to see how most of the first results were all about how to come up with credible excuses. This tells us one thing: we cannot pretend that we don’t make excuses. I mean, we can’t make up an excuse to say that we don’t make excuses (good one, ha?). We use them and that’s a fact, so they are part of our social and cultural baggage.

But watch out: the fact that most people behave the same way doesn’t necessarily mean that’s the right way to behave!

So, how should we behave? In my professional and private experience, I’ve had the chance to meet many people and deeply explore their thoughts and emotions. In these occasions, I was also able to observe what different approaches we have towards excuses.

Photo by Paola Aguilar on Unsplash

Excuses vs responsibilities

When asked about their use of excuses, people usually say they make use of one of these three macro-approaches:

1. I never make excuses.
2. I only make excuses when it’s extremely necessary.
3. I regularly make excuses to improve the quality of my relations.

Which of these categories describes you? (I know, I’m over-simplifying, but let’s play this game together).

If your answer is 1: Are you sure that’s the case? Isn’t it more likely that you still make excuses, but you don’t realise? The hardest excuses to recognise are the ones we tell ourselves. It’s highly probable that we’ve turned a blind eye to some of our interior dynamics.

If your answer is 2: I suggest you ask yourself, what are the common elements of these cases of extreme necessity? You probably use them so as not to face certain recurring situations, such as to avoid getting into a confrontation, to not admit you’ve made a mistake, to not take on too many responsibilities and so on.

If your answer is 3: I congratulate you for your honesty (what a paradox!), but I’d like you to reflect on this: do excuses really improve the quality of relations? How gullible are the people we speak to, and what are the chances they’ll discover us instead? How are they going to behave once they have discovered us? Making excuses is compelling because it makes you think you’re in control when it’s actually not the case at all.

Excuses are convenient, extremely convenient. To the point that some have started considering it an indispensable element in their work life.

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However, excuses kill relations, and relations are the backbone of any profession.

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Making excuses is inversely proportional to our likelihood of having a responsible attitude. It is only through a responsible attitude that we will be able to grow. Otherwise, we will find ourselves cramped in progressively smaller places. Even saying: 

“I can’t answer this question or fix the problem because they aren’t related to my duties” is, in all effects, an excuse, an alibi to avoid commitment. The most frequent excuses are, in fact, the ones “made in good faith”. Why? Because if someone approaches me to fix a problem, it’s my responsibility to even take just a small step towards the solution, whether it involves personally getting involved or facilitating a meeting with someone who can really help.

Photo by Arnel Hasanovic on Unsplash

How to behave with others’ alibis

Once we have understood that we also make excuses and that they make us progressively weaker and less credible to others, we could ask ourselves: how can we approach others’ excuses, such as the ones made by clients? You must have often heard and recognised excuses when others made use of them.

Here are a few reflective prompts I’d like to share:

• You might not respect the excuse, but you must respect the individual. If that person is using an excuse, there must be a reason. You can make assumptions, but you cannot be sure you know why.
• Ask questions. When others make excuses, we can easily get annoyed. Ask questions, if possible open-ended ones, to empathise and to check whether the person you’re speaking to is willing to be more honest.
• Create and environment conducive to honesty. Our everyday professional lives are more akin to a jungle than a humane environment. Think of the integrity, availability, and humanity that you’d like to see in others and make them part of your own nature. You will attract people that resonate with those characteristics.

I’ll conclude this article with this simple piece of advice:

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If you find others’ excuses impossible to stand, you might yourself need to cut down on how often you make excuses.

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When this issue is fixed, you simply won’t attract people who make excuses every day. I wish you to contribute to a more responsible, honest, and humane professional reality.

| partem claram semper aspice |